Tuesday, August 18, 2015

FBI Seizes Key Document in Clinton Email Investigation

PPPS (Littleton)—FBI agents raided the offices of the Pundit Pete Press Service early this morning and seized a document believed to be key in the Hillary Clinton email investigation.

The document, a memo reportedly between Huma Abedin and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, had previously surfaced  in March, 2015, but was overlooked by the mainstream media and Congressional investigators at that time.

Pundit Pete, who for financial reasons had temporarily taken up residence on a cot in the back of the PPPS office, was abruptly awakened at about 2 AM when at least a dozen, heavily-armed FBI agents broke down the front door and entered with rifles pointed.

Pete, who was obviously shaken by the experience, recalled the initial tense encounter, "As a journalist, my first instinct was to reach for my smartphone, but dropped it when I saw that both my hand and chest were painted with tiny laser targets."

The FBI began immediately to ransack the PPPS offices, while shouting "Where's the memo? Give us the memo!" Pete, ever the professional, calmly pointed to the memo tacked up on the wall, in plain sight, amidst a grouping of photos of Huma Abedin, Hillary Clinton, Cheryl Mills, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump, with lines linking to the memo or to the other photos.

The tension dissipated after Pete offered the agents coffee and slices of his Mom's famous sour creme coffee cake. The FBI agents soon left, taking the memo, one of the PPPS computers, two thumb drives, and Pete's cell phone, but leaving the rest of the office intact.

Pete, however, was forced to sign an affidavit stating that under penalty of perjury, "I, Pundit Pete, state that I have identified and turned over all copies of the subject memorandum in my possession, in printed or electronic format, and that, to the best of my knowledge, no other copies of the subject memorandum exist."

However, the staff members of PPPS (who shall remain anonymous), take the courageous stand that we are not bound by Pete's affidavit and asserting our 1st Amendment right of freedom of the press, hereby publish a copy of said memo.

(click to enlarge) PPPS not responsible for the viral distribution of this document.
Pundit Pete, who has gone into hiding at an undisclosed location, issued the following statement:
The Pundit Pete Press Service strongly objects to the raid on our offices by the FBI. I have directed our staff attorney, Pleader Pete, to immediately file a complaint in the U.S. District Court for this serious and unprecedented violation of our 1st Amendment right of Freedom of the Press.
Furthermore, I acknowledge that my staff have decided, of their own volition, and without direct instructions from me, to exercise their free speech and freedom of the press rights, and to release a copy of the confiscated document for the American people to see, in contradiction of the specific and unconstitutional directive from the FBI not to do so.