BREAKING: Dems Make Major Announcement

PPPS (Washington, DC)—BREAKING NEWS

Leaders of the Democrat Party in the House of Representatives held a news conference this morning to announce that they are conceding the 2020 elections to President Trump and other Republicans.

Details to follow.

Correction: Apparently the press conference was held to announce Articles of Impeachment.

Happy Thanksgiving from PPPS

PPPS (Littleton)—Happy Thanksgiving from the Pundit Pete Press Service and all of the Petes.

Following Impeachment Hearings, So You Don't Have To

PPPS (Washington, DC)—We have assigned our top political correspondent, Political Beat Pete, to cover the House Intelligent Committee hearings on Impeachment of President Trump. Here is the first of our ongoing coverage and updates from the hearings.

Editor's Note: The foregoing quote of witness testimony, as reported by Political Beat Pete, is based upon the recollection of an unnamed observer in the hearing room, as Pete had briefly left the room for a bathroom break during the Christine Blasey Ford testimony.

Practical Pete's Tools of Politics Quiz

PPPS(Littleton)—In the interest of furthering the understanding and the practice of the art of politics, we commissioned our own PPPS Advice Columnist, Practical Pete, to write a book on the Tools of Politics in America.

Pete's book, soon to be released, will be titled:

TOOLS OF POLITICS 

A practical guide to winning power at all costs 

by Practical Pete

 

As part of his research for the book, Practical Pete developed a  political quiz which was administered to several focus groups consisting of PPPS low-information readers who self-selected by responding to a reader survey. The results of the survey and focus group sessions were used in evaluating the most practical tools of politics to be included in the book. We anticipate that Pete's book and the associated Tools of Politics Quiz may form the basis for instruction in political science at several leading universities, Ivy League schools in particular.

As a kind of teaser, prior to official release of Pete's book, here is a sampling of a few of the Tools of Politics Quiz questions used in Pete's research. See how you do.
 

(click to enlarge - answers provided below)

(click to enlarge - answers provided below)

(click to enlarge - answers provided below)

  
Editor's Note: We have been assisted in the funding of this book project by generous matching grants from the Soros Family Trust and the Make America Socialist Society (MASS).

ANSWERS TO SAMPLE QUESTIONS:

QUESTION 16: D        QUESTION 27: D        QUESTION 31: D

Poetry of Politics in the Impeachment Age

PPPS (Littleton)—We asked our Poet-In-Residence, Poet Pete, to opine on the Impeachment Process.

December 3, 2019 Update in anticipation of Round 2.

Decmeber 5, 2019 - Pre-Holiday Update.

 
December 18, 2019 - The Day of Impeachment

Editor's Note: Any resemblance to actual limericks or poetry is purely coincidental. PPPS is not responsible for any hurt feelings which may result from the publication of these poems, and will disavow any knowledge of an employee named Poet Pete if confronted.

Challenging the Media on Impeachment

PPPS (Littleton)—Impeachment seems to be dominating the news cycle of late, and our leader, Pundit Pete, has decided to challenge other journalists with an alternative story line....

Editor's Disclaimer: Any resemblance to a theoretical whistleblower/CIA employee named Eric Ciaramella, or to the Chairman of the House Intelligence Committtee named Adam Schiff, is purely coincidental, and not intended in anyway to reveal the identities of said individuals.

Is ISIS Recruiting Again?

PPPS (Idlib, Syria)—The recent deaths of Abū Bakr al-Baghdadi, leader of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) and the unnamed second in command of the religious organization have sent shock waves throughout the Middle East and within the Jihad Movement.

Although some have praised President Trump's actions which may have caused the deaths of these religious leaders, many Democrats in Congress and certain baseball fans have criticized the President. Some are even suggesting that these deaths will serve as a recruiting tool for ISIS.

We asked our Middle East Correspondent, Palestinian Pete, to look into this issue. And Pete has uncovered evidence that the fears of Democrats may be true. 

Here is an ad he recently found on a religious web site.

Dems Ditch Donkey, Flip to the Bird

PPPS (Washington, DC)—At the end of a week of Impeachment Fever in our nation's capitol, the Democrat Party unveiled a new mascot more representative of current direction of the party. 

New mascot design and excerpt from official party press release.

The new mascot was unveiled late in the day on Friday in a hastily convened press conference led by Acting Speaker of the House, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, accompanied by other members of the party leadership.

The new mascot design, featuring a common loon, was finally adopted after heated debate in the Democrat Party Caucus. Speaker-In-Name-Only Nancy Pelosi, who earlier in the week had expressed opposition to the change, apparently flipped under pressure, and finally gave her approval.


Our sources within the Democrat Caucus indicate that another mascot, the Hyena, was initially considered as representative of the party's tenacity in pursuing impeachment of President Trump, but was ultimately rejected because "hyenas aren't nice."

Professor Pete Explains Climate Crisis

The CNN Climate Science Experts

PPPS (Littleton)—Yesterday, CNN held a seven-hour seminar on the impending Climate Crisis which featured ten noted experts in climate science, who also happen to be Democrat Party candidates for president.

The program was both educational and alarming, as the candidates made a compelling case for immediate action to save our planet. It was difficult to turn away from the TV.

Because of the courageous CNN programming, the Climate Crisis now tops the list of important issues of concern to our low information readers.

We've asked our resident expert, weatherman Precipitation Pete, to weigh in on the Climate Crisis. But Pete, preoccupied with covering the disastrous Hurricane Dorian, instead referred us to a 2017 quote from our esteemed science adviser, Professor Pete.

For the purpose of alarming the public and advancing an unstated agenda, Conspiracy Theory is one scientific discipline wherein the absence of data, or the presence of conflicting data, is used to corroborate the stated hypothesis.

Climate Science is another such discipline.

—Professor Pete, 2017 

The New Face of the Democrat Party

PPPS (Washington, DC)—An exchange of tweets over the weekend with President Trump has catapulted four freshman members of Congress into the forefront of the news cycle. Are these "women of color" now the new face of the Democrat Party and leaders of the fight for minority rights?

We asked our graphic artist, Pixel Pete, to encapsulate this new development in a meme easily understood by our low information readers.

Celebrating LBGTQ Month

PPPS (Washington, DC)—As the nation celebrates LBGTQ month this June, our staff wanted to make a suggestion and offer a commentary on the status of LBGTQ "rights" in America.

First a suggestion, to make the movement more inclusive:

And then a comment regarding the necessity of separately delineated "rights" for the LBGTQ community:

And, as a follow up to the preceding comment, our PPPS sports commentator, Player Pete, weighed in with this:

And finally, Citizen Pete, a loyal fan, occasional contributor, and friend of Jack the Cake Maker, sent in this suggestion for an official LBGTQ Month Moto:

Disclaimer: The Pundit Pete Press Service (PPPS) is not responsible for any comments, opinions or suggestions contributed by ANY staff member, contributor, associate, or friend of PPPS, nor is PPPS responsible for any offense, real or imagined, taken by ANY reader of the foregoing post, and if pressed, criticized, slandered, or sued, will disavow any knowledge of said post.

Connecting the Dots in DC

PPPS (Littleton)—Our esteemed Editor-In-Chief and CEO, Pundit Pete, has been a keen observer of all things political for many years, and has finally reached a conclusion about the many scandals and hints of scandal circulating around our nation's capitol.

Pundit Pete has managed to collect all of those political dots and connect them with one simple question and answer.

We think he's spot on.

Biden Plagiarizes Again

PPPS (Washington, DC)—Once again, former Vice President Joe Biden has been accused of plagiarism.

We asked our own staff plagiarist, Pilferer Pete, to weigh in on the subject.

Can New Weapon Turn the Tide in U.S.-China Trade War?

PPPS (Washington, DC)—PPPS EXCLUSIVE

Based upon a leak from a source deep inside the Pentagon, PPPS has obtained a photograph of a new weapon designed to combat hacking and intellectual property theft. Here is that photograph.

Leaked photo of new Pentagon weapon.

President Xi Jinping

The leak of this photograph comes at a delicate time in the trade negotiations with China. Is the leak just an inconvenient coincidence, or could it have been an intentional ploy in President Trump's negotiating strategy?

Will Chinese President Xi Jinping back down and begin to negotiate in good faith?

President Donald Trump

Is President Trump just crazy enough to deploy such a lethal weapon?

Check back for updates on these important questions as PPPS INVESTIGATES.

Border Security Compromise or Tit for Tat?

PPPS (Washington, DC)—As another government shutdown deadline looms on February 15th, both sides in the border security debate are desperately seeking compromise. A select group of Democrat and Republican members of Congress is currently meeting to work out a deal. As part of these negotiations, however, two very interesting, but not particularly helpful, proposals have emerged.

On the one hand, President Trump has put forth a proposal to counter demands by Democrats for the elimination of ICE, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency. The Democrats claim that ICE is guilty of separating children from their migrant parents while attempting to enforce our immigration laws.

The President has proposed a clever solution by adding the word National to the beginning of the agency name, in order to emphasize its sovereignty in immigration matters over local jurisdictions, and in particular, states and municipalities claiming sanctuary status.

The resulting new acronym, NICE, would present a much less intimidating image to desperate migrant families seeking asylum, violent alien criminals seeking to avoid deportation, and to American voters.

In an equally clever counter proposal, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has floated legislation that would redefine the mission of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) from one of defending our citizens against all threats foreign and domestic to a more holistic mission of inclusiveness.


In light of a call by at least one Democrat for the complete defunding of DHS, Speaker Pelosi's proposal is a model of moderation.

Her legislation, which is quite lengthy (over 4,000 pages), can best be summed up in the proposed new logo for the department.





It is certainly our hope that compromise will become the word-of-the-day in this debate over border security, and that another government shutdown disaster can thus be avoided.

Pundit Pete Opines on SOTU Speech

PPPS (Washington, DC)—Our esteemed CEO and Editor-In-Chief, Pundit Pete, offered up his wisdom after watching President Trump's State of the Union speech to the nation last night.