President Obama's 10-Point Crisis Management Plan

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PPPS (Washington)—In a world of seemingly out-of-control events it is comforting to know that our President has developed and follows a well thought out crisis management plan to solve both domestic and international problems as they arise.

Our Chief White House Correspondent, Political-Beat Pete, was able to obtain a copy of President Obama's plan from his sources on the White House staff. This 10-Point Crisis Management Plan is part of the President's larger 2014 Year of Action which he articulated during his 2014 State of the Union Speech.

Crisis Management - President Obama's 10-Point Plan

Step 1 - Manufacture a crisis to avoid discussion about actual problems that the majority of citizens care about and want fixed.

Step 2 - Use phone to encourage mainstream media friends and other Democrats to talk about the "crisis".

Step 3 - Demonize and humiliate people who point out that the "crisis" is not a real crisis. Give their names to the IRS.

Step 4 - Use pen to create new government policy or to change or ignore an old policy (sometimes called a law) to solve the "crisis".

Step 5 - Ignore warnings from advisers and political opposition (Tea Party) about obvious disastrous consequences of Step 4.

Step 6 - Ignore real data from government agencies and outside experts about mounting disastrous consequences of Step 4.

Step 7 - Read in news about Step 4 consequences. Express shock and outrage. Declare a new crisis.

Step 8 - Do nothing for a while (play golf or pool).

Step 9 - Use pointer to blame Congress (and Tea Party) for causing the new crisis and for not caring about fixing the new (or the old) crisis.

Step 10 - Repeat Step 1 or go to Step 4 (optional shortcut).