Tuesday, July 1, 2014

President Obama's 10-Point Crisis Management Plan

(click to enlarge)
PPPS (Washington)—In a world of seemingly out-of-control events it is comforting to know that our President has developed and follows a well thought out crisis management plan to solve both domestic and international problems as they arise.

Our Chief White House Correspondent, Political-Beat Pete, was able to obtain a copy of President Obama's plan from his sources on the White House staff. This 10-Point Crisis Management Plan is part of the President's larger 2014 Year of Action which he articulated during his 2014 State of the Union Speech.

Crisis Management - President Obama's 10-Point Plan

Step 1 - Manufacture a crisis to avoid discussion about actual problems that the majority of citizens care about and want fixed.
Step 2 - Use phone to encourage mainstream media friends and other Democrats to talk about the "crisis".
Step 3 - Demonize and humiliate people who point out that the "crisis" is not a real crisis. Give their names to the IRS.
Step 4 - Use pen to create new government policy or to change or ignore an old policy (sometimes called a law) to solve the "crisis".
Step 5 - Ignore warnings from advisers and political opposition (Tea Party) about obvious disastrous consequences of Step 4.
Step 6 - Ignore real data from government agencies and outside experts about mounting disastrous consequences of Step 4.
Step 7 - Read in news about Step 4 consequences. Express shock and outrage. Declare a new crisis.
Step 8 - Do nothing for a while (play golf or pool).
Step 9 - Use pointer to blame Congress (and Tea Party) for causing the new crisis and for not caring about fixing the new (or the old) crisis.
Step 10 - Repeat Step 1 or go to Step 4 (optional shortcut).


  1. Brilliant plan, as of course nothing sticks to the Prez. The steps are interchangeable, can be used in any or no order, and can be implemented in multiples for maximum confusion. Back in the day we called this kind of operation a cluster-****.

  2. Insightful and succinct, thanks!

  3. OMG, you ean he wasn't perfect? But I must say his plan worked over and over and over and over and...


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