Thursday, November 12, 2009

Blog Follower Sends Calling Card

A frequent follower of this blog -- a man who calls himself Citizen Pete - sent in his calling card.  We thought we would post it. - The Staff

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Video Inspires Support for President's Plans

(APPPS - Nashville) A new music video by well-known comedian and song writer Tim Hawkins titled "The Government Can" has made a meteoric rise to the top of the charts in the past few days, and may turn the tide in the health care reform debate. Leading pundits are predicting that the video's popularity and its positive message, which builds a strong case for increased government intervention in the economy and our personal lives, may tip the balance in the president's favor, not only on heath care reform, but on President Obama's other ambitious legislative initiatives such as Cap and Trade and a second, much-needed stimulus bill.

Democratic legislators have discovered that playing the video at the start of townhall meetings often turns the crowd from angry opposition into enthusiastic support of government-run health care. Even the most cantankurous, un-American retirees and veterans are turning into polite and apologetic patriots, often requesting more sweeping entitlements than proposed in the current bills.

Rumors that the White House and Organizing for America may have paid for production of the video could not be confirmed.

To view the Tim Hawkins video, click here. And to support real comedy go to Tim's website.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Guest Editorial on Health Care Reform

The following guest editorial is from that well-known malcontent Persnickety Pete, founder of the extreme right-wing organization, Un-Americans For Change, and author of the book "Manufacturing Anger - a Guide to Political Persuasion". Some consider Pete to be the "Saul Alinsky" of the Tea Party movement.

My Thoughts on Health Care Reform

- by Persnickety Pete

All this loud, hot air about Health Care Reform got me think'n.  

And after think'n a while, I got to remember'n. 

And after remember'n a while, I wuz reminded of how my great grandmama, Persnickety Pearl, who was really wise and really persnickety, had a say'n.

And this say'n, wuz someth'n Grandmama Persnickety Peal said all the time.  And every time she said it, she said it really loud, 'cause she couldn't hear very well, and 'cause she couldn't hear very well, she jus' figured no one else could hear very well either, so whatever she said, she said really loud. 

Which is maybe why I remember this thing she said to me so well, it be'n so loud and all. That and the fact that she repeated it so often. I think that sometimes she forgot what she said from one minute to the next, so she tended to repeat herself, which she did quite often. And she did it loudly. Did I say that already, you know, about the loud part?

Well, anyway........where was I? ......I kinda got distracted there for a minute..... 

Ya know, my great grandmama, Persnickety Pearl, she used to get distracted a lot, too. And when she got distracted, she'd start to speak louder. And then she'd start to repeat herself, and that was when you knew she was really distracted. And the last thing ya wanted to do when Grandmama Pearl got really distracted wuz to distract her some more.

And then.....oh, yeah, I remember now..... my great grandmama Persnickety Pearl had this say'n....I can almost hear her now.

She'd say to me "Pete, my persnickety little pumpk'n, come over to yor great grandmama, and set yorself down, cause she's got someth'n to say to you." And then she'd kind'a lean over a bit, real close to my ear, and she'd say really loud,


and if I've said it once, I'll say it again, only louder, so you can hear me.....


And then, most times, she would nod off, and I would try and get away without distracting her again.

Well, it just so happened that, while I was thnk'n about my great grandmama, Persnickety Pearl, a thought occured to me.

What if this new government health care reform bill that they've been debate'n at all these Townhall meet'ns, was kinda like that road she always talked about?

It just seemed like all those people scream'n at each other at them Townhall meet'ns must have had good intentions, especially 'cause they were all so loud, and 'cause my great grandmama, Persnickety Pearl,  was really loud, and she always had good intentions. 

And then I remembered all of the stuff I get in the mail tell'n about how our duly elected officials have good intentions.  And then I realized, right then and there ....

now this is important....

right then and there, I realized, that this health care reform thing was just like that road that my great grandmama was always talk'n about.

And then a wave a patriotism washed over me, and I knew I had to do someth'n about it.

And so, as
a proud "un-American" and a good citizen, I decided to make a list of things I could do about that road to ruin we seemed to be go'n down. 

Here's the list of ideas I came up with:
  1. Ignore great grandmama, and Blindly Follow That Road wherever it leads.
  2. Turn up the music, Tune Out the loud debate and just enjoy the scenery.
  3. Trust our duly elected road engineers to know what the heck they're doing.
  4. Wait for those duly elected engineers to figure it out on their own and change direction.
  5. Kindly, respectfully, and not too loudly, Suggest a new route.
  6. Stop along the road, wave my arms and Shout to get their attention.
  7. Get a shovel and dig some potholes to Slow Them Down.
  8. Divert Them with a  Really Big DETOUR Sign.
Mmm.... that last one sounds the best.

Disrespectfully yours, Pernickety Pete, somewhere in Western Colorado, August 14, 2009

Please note that the Pundit Pete Press Service does not condone, nor is it in anyway responsible for, the fishy content of this guest editorial, or for any intended or unintended consequences resulting from the publishing of this guest editorial, including, but not limited to: the forwarding of this guest editorial and any associated e-mail responses from our readers to; or any resulting e-mails from David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to the President; or damage to, or destruction of, any bridges.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

President Announces New Cost-Cutting Plan

(APPPS - Washington) Immediately following today's cabinet meeting, in which President Obama directed agency heads to search for over $100 million in program cuts, the White House released copies of the President's new directive, which will make such cost-cutting measures permanent. Titled the Give Back to America Plan, the presidential directive requires a minimum of $100 million in cuts for each $100 billion in new spending.

In an unexpected brief statement before a small contingent of reporters, and witnessed by a group of middle school students touring the White House, Obama declared, "These cost cutting measures will ensure that necessary growth in government goes hand in handout with fiscal responsibility. When combined with tax cuts for over 95 percent of all Americans, today's directive goes a long way in achieving my goal of halving the rate in growth of the federal deficit by the middle of my third term."

"I am also asking Congress to do their part to Give Back to America. In a spirit of bipartisanship, I am requesting that Democratic and Republican leaders in Congress work together to eliminate at least two earmarks, carefully chosen from Republican districts, for every 1,000 earmarks included in any piece of legislation."

"Furthermore, in a letter to the Supreme Court, I am requesting that the federal courts be directed to automatically release a minimum of three citizens out of every 1,000 detained under our new Rightwing Extremist Detention and Re-Education Initiative."

In response to a question from a middle school student about whether the constitution limits a president to two terms, Obama responded "The American people elected me to bring hope and change to America, and it's time we discard stale and out-dated policies of the past. We must move forward together as a nation to address the overwhelming problems I inherited. A president cannot be held responsible for misguided policies enacted when he was just a young student like yourself."

There was no comment from the White House regarding a leaked draft of the President's Give Back to America letter to Congress, which had floated the idea of a cutback in the annual Congressional pay raise.

Pundit Pete Press Service Special Educational Link - For encouragement and a better understanding of how the President's New Give Back to America Plan can reduce the Federal budget check out this video.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Homeland Security Rumor Debunked

APundit Pete Press Service NEWS FLASH
(APPPS - Washington) A widely-circulated rumor that the administration has been planning to change the name of the Department of Homeland Security to the less intimidating and more culturally sensitive title of "Mi Casa Es Su Casa" was denied yesterday by a spokesperson for Secretary Janet Napolitano. The rumor has now been officially debunked.

The source of the rumor was apparently an, as yet unidentified, Washington Beltway blogger. Several national news organizations are reported to be assigning teams of journalists to expose the blogger's identity, tax records, medical records, family members, neighbors, business associates, acquaintances, political affiliations, and other relevant information. Our own APPPS crack team of reporters and Internet researchers are currently following an exclusive lead on the blogger's identity.

Check back for updates.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Ward Churchill to Accept UN Appointment

(APPPS - Boulder, CO) After a whirlwind of high stakes negotiations easily as complicated as in any NFL trade, recently reinstated University of Colorado Professor Ward Churchill has agreed to accept a position as Special Envoy to serve on the United Nations Human Rights Council.