President Announces New Cost-Cutting Plan

(APPPS - Washington) Immediately following today's cabinet meeting, in which President Obama directed agency heads to search for over $100 million in program cuts, the White House released copies of the President's new directive, which will make such cost-cutting measures permanent. Titled the Give Back to America Plan, the presidential directive requires a minimum of $100 million in cuts for each $100 billion in new spending.

In an unexpected brief statement before a small contingent of reporters, and witnessed by a group of middle school students touring the White House, Obama declared, "These cost cutting measures will ensure that necessary growth in government goes hand in handout with fiscal responsibility. When combined with tax cuts for over 95 percent of all Americans, today's directive goes a long way in achieving my goal of halving the rate in growth of the federal deficit by the middle of my third term."

"I am also asking Congress to do their part to Give Back to America. In a spirit of bipartisanship, I am requesting that Democratic and Republican leaders in Congress work together to eliminate at least two earmarks, carefully chosen from Republican districts, for every 1,000 earmarks included in any piece of legislation."

"Furthermore, in a letter to the Supreme Court, I am requesting that the federal courts be directed to automatically release a minimum of three citizens out of every 1,000 detained under our new Rightwing Extremist Detention and Re-Education Initiative."

In response to a question from a middle school student about whether the constitution limits a president to two terms, Obama responded "The American people elected me to bring hope and change to America, and it's time we discard stale and out-dated policies of the past. We must move forward together as a nation to address the overwhelming problems I inherited. A president cannot be held responsible for misguided policies enacted when he was just a young student like yourself."

There was no comment from the White House regarding a leaked draft of the President's Give Back to America letter to Congress, which had floated the idea of a cutback in the annual Congressional pay raise.

Pundit Pete Press Service Special Educational Link - For encouragement and a better understanding of how the President's New Give Back to America Plan can reduce the Federal budget check out this video.

Homeland Security Rumor Debunked

APundit Pete Press Service NEWS FLASH
(APPPS - Washington) A widely-circulated rumor that the administration has been planning to change the name of the Department of Homeland Security to the less intimidating and more culturally sensitive title of "Mi Casa Es Su Casa" was denied yesterday by a spokesperson for Secretary Janet Napolitano. The rumor has now been officially debunked.

The source of the rumor was apparently an, as yet unidentified, Washington Beltway blogger. Several national news organizations are reported to be assigning teams of journalists to expose the blogger's identity, tax records, medical records, family members, neighbors, business associates, acquaintances, political affiliations, and other relevant information. Our own APPPS crack team of reporters and Internet researchers are currently following an exclusive lead on the blogger's identity.

Check back for updates.

Ward Churchill to Accept UN Appointment

(APPPS - Boulder, CO) After a whirlwind of high stakes negotiations easily as complicated as in any NFL trade, recently reinstated University of Colorado Professor Ward Churchill has agreed to accept a position as Special Envoy to serve on the United Nations Human Rights Council.