Thursday, November 17, 2011

Breaking: Housing Starts Up. Occupy Wall Street Evictions Credited

Occupy Denver couple review new home plans
PPPS (New York & Washington) Housing statistics released this morning by the U.S. Census Bureau indicate an unexpected 17% rise in new home permits and home starts for October.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney immediately released a statement indicating that President Obama's new jobs bill, which nearly passed last month in a vote in the U.S. Senate, was responsible for building confidence in the housing markets.

Our own PPPS crack team of researchers and economic analysts, however, have determined a more sinister cause: collusion between politicians, Wall Street bankers, and housing industry executives to manipulate the housing market.

Denver Police dismantle Occupy Denver
The most dramatic evidence for this corruption, in addition to the surprising uptick in the  housing statistics, has been the coordinated eviction of Occupy Wall Street and other Occupy movement protesters in cities across the country.

As one anonymous industry insider told a PPPS reporter, "Look, with sales stagnant for several quarters, something had to be done. The Occupy protesters were an obvious, but untapped market, if only they could be persuaded to leave their current 'occupation sites'. Oh, now I've probably already said too much."

Portland Police & Protesters discuss real estate tips
As reported by our own Protester Pete, who has been camping in Zuccotti Park in New York City, many of the protesters were actually ready for a change, and just needed the right encouragement to find new lodgings. As one anonymous protester indicated, "All that confrontation with the police was just for show, you know for the cameras. A few of the cops were actually sharing some hot tips and real estate agent contacts."

As another protester put it "Hey if we had to leave anyway, what better time to purchase a new home. I mean with mortgage rates what their are. Oops, I mean.... with those Wall Street Bankers earning outrageous profits, we could take advantage of them by taking out mortgages! Then we can default later. Let's see those fascist pigs try and evict us from our own homes!"

Zuccotti Park (AP Photo/Seth Wenig)

As our crack team of reporters delves deeper into this story of corruption, one has to wonder just who has been manipulating whom.

In a follow up, PPPS has been unable to confirm a rumor that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and her husband had recently made a substantial investment in real estate and housing construction company stocks.

 Photo Credits: Check out the excellent photo essay at The Atlantic 
Dismantling Occupy Denver -  AP Photo/Leah Millis - The Denver Post
Portland Police & Protesters -  Natalie Behring/Getty Images 
Occupy Denver couple & new home (stock photo)

1 comment:

  1. If Protester Pete needs a place to stay, he can call me. - Penelope


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